Le Journale

So here I am... enjoying the time at this hour... It's been ages actually! I used to stay up late and feeling smart-assy. Just when I avoided drama, using such effort, some people just couldn't keep their hands off from ruining it... from losing my pants off...  But that's the past... I am easy to let go useless stuff.... and mostly, people. Starting the 11th of July, I am about to head to a new journey... YEAY! New vibes, new environment, new (cool) workplace with more people to get to know!  Because that is the beautiful side of life. When you think everything was doing fine, life seemed hating every bits of it. So it is always on its way to destroy me, making me detouring through up and downhills. But that's fine... I'm going to survive!  

Hisashiburiii (It's been a while...) I've already found the answer for these insecurities... As I grow older... I have come to the point where patience needs to be mastered, especially being patient with myself. No rush needed. Time will eventually show. Being kind to myself is never easy. My insecurities have been there since the beginning, haunting me like I owe them money. Then I was mean with myself, my mind, heart and body. I was never kind enough to those 3 of mine whenever I slipped up. I was never patient enough to let Universe and God, preferably to lead my way, destiny, my own path. Worst, I used to force everything from friendship to romance.  I admit that now. I need to learn how to be patient with myself. Learn to forgive myself when my insecurities strike back. Learn to handle my insecurities without blaming it to other people. Learn to forgive myself for the mistakes I did and let them be memories instead of labels. Learn to let those mistakes pr...

I miss the old flame that I used to have when I had this crush with any seniors at high school. Like any seniors. I had a lot of crushes. And it was so much simpler to love new person. When we were young. What about now? What about today? *the chorus of Westlife's song* As I get older, finding love is never easy. It is complicated. Too much drama. More intricate. So yeah, it is much simpler when we were young. We never have second thought about how hurt it was to experience a breakup. Or to hurt someone. While falling in love has became harder, letting go the old flame, past love has even been harder than that.  Like an old saying, we fall in love with people we can't have. Or we fall in love by chance and we stay in  love by choice. It is about our choice. The problem is we never use that choice to leave from a certain situation. We choose to stay and cry in the river. It would never be cake for someone who is emotional, caring.  When I fall in love, I g...

Wohoooo finally! The so-long waited. The biggest Book Fair ever held in Jakarta, I mean where they sell imported books.  Big Bad Wolf is the EO for this site, Book Xcess Online  I have been following them since last December. And now it is happening.  So I got a vip ticket for the day before the opening and that was on Friday. This ticket is limited edition. After holding a farewell party for Adel, that Friday night Hana and I went directly to ICE BSD where they hold the book fair. And it was almost empty. I enjoyed strolling, finding some books that have been on my list. I looked for any Haruki Murakami books, and found none. Feel sad about how limited their collection of fiction works :'(  But I managed to buy only 3 books since I have no cash left. They cannot accept any debit payment for BCA or other banks. The next day I went to the book fair again with my brother and had successfully spent almost 600 thousands Rupiahs for  12 books! That is to...

Panicking doesn't help, if you are right now hitting 25 or older. Well okay, you might feel it is such a BIG thing, that you are now facing your quarter life. That big round number or this first quarter life can echo in anyone's heads with that age. You would find yourself afraid that it is kind of ending, but also a beginning. The question then revolves in what kind of beginning? Is it really the end? Where do I have to go after this phase?  When you turn 25, it can cause some serious doubts and questions, like I said earlier. Honestly, it led me to some kind of quarter-life crisis too. Beforehand I always thought well, I'm getting old, I'm growing up, so now what? Seeing my friends kind of making so many checklists before they even hit 25 years old, the fear had embarked like somehow it had been there, deep inside of me. The fears came to surface when I have some friends holding their wedding receptions where I was invited. Seriously though, it was a lot of invit...

So here I am again... trying to release what is on my mind lately...(not a music album, if you see what I did there, lol) Yeah, I laugh at my own jokes. So lame. I have never been THIS ALIVE. By saying ALIVE, it means you live this life like other normal persons in the world. Distinguished by ages, genders, and jobs, now I can declare myself I have become one of zombies who get to work by 8 and come home by 5. I used to dream having a job like that, dressing up in formal outfits with cool coworkers in a tall building.... but now I am fed up with it. Have been there, done this and that, so what? I mean, what else is out there? what should I do next in order to be more alive than now? As if I am half-dead now... ............ (contemplating session while The Birth and Death of the Day from Explosions in the Sky is playing on the background) .................. ................ Ah, I miss my mom. She's been staying at grandma's crib s...