Just Let Things Be...

Hisashiburiii (It's been a while...)

I've already found the answer for these insecurities...

As I grow older... I have come to the point where patience needs to be mastered, especially being patient with myself. No rush needed. Time will eventually show.

Being kind to myself is never easy. My insecurities have been there since the beginning, haunting me like I owe them money. Then I was mean with myself, my mind, heart and body. I was never kind enough to those 3 of mine whenever I slipped up. I was never patient enough to let Universe and God, preferably to lead my way, destiny, my own path. Worst, I used to force everything from friendship to romance. 

I admit that now. I need to learn how to be patient with myself. Learn to forgive myself when my insecurities strike back. Learn to handle my insecurities without blaming it to other people. Learn to forgive myself for the mistakes I did and let them be memories instead of labels. Learn to let those mistakes prove that I have once tried, or many times, for things that in the end just were not right for me. For risks I took. For chances I throw. I should have taken those mistakes as wisdom that taught me that shit happens and you're trapped in it. I should get the wisdom that something that is not meant for us would never end up becoming ours. No matter how hard you try. It happens to friendship and other types of relationship.

I also need to stop trying so hard to control my life. Sometimes things just don't work out the way we want. And that is okay. That is perfectly fine because God offers you some other better options to choose. There is no need to control when you're consciously aware enough that  you are under control of Him. So if I'm not where I want to be right now, I learn to let life take its own journey, instead of steering the wheel and drive it to another direction. I've known best that life is never to easy to live. It won't always give me what I want. Instead of giving me my most-wanted list, it gives me more trials. Non-stop trials until sometimes I was fed up and wanted to end everything. 

Treating life like a friend who sometime stabs you, badmouths you, turns its head from you is much easier to handle. At least that's what I think. The notion of understanding life and how life brings you such trials is required if you don't want to end up like a hopeless person. The most important thing is definitely learning to accept life when it can be SO DAMN frustrating. 

But the most important thing is I'm learning to be a person who is still trying to figure out things. Full of flaws, encounter misfortunes, misadventures, trials, but still willing to be better on each of it.

I let the life to do its job and move me, instead of forcing it to stop or change direction.

Just believe, everything will turn out good in the end.



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