Is Tinder Sexist?

Firstly I want you to take note this: I'm a (single) lady who is interested in User Interface, as well as User Experience of a new websites or applications. And... why you should be ashamed for being single? We get to experience a lot of things without being worried as fuck for your man to leave you with another woman. The thing that I honestly hate to know, especially when you are in the halfway of 50 years of age. There is this custom in Indonesia, women should get married before they are 24 years old. And I was like, what the fuck? Do you think it is easy for deciding to get married and living the rest of your life with another person you even haven't felt that 'click' yet. It is not an easy peasy thing to do, of course. It always needs some serious considerations before deciding to settle down. Lucky them who get married easily, faster than me. And honestly, I don't even put this 'commitment' in my last name, which also means I'm not up for such commitment.

However, each person lives their life in different paths, why bother to dwell in someone's life, when you actually have your own to take care of?

That is what I think when my mom keeps giving me idea to settle down soon when all I want to do is continue my study and travel around the world. She is afraid, and yeah, I do understand the burden she should carry for having a daughter, not young enough to be taken care of. But still, I want her to just ignore these people who keep asking about what I would be, or who I would be with. Like hell I would listen to any of their corny advice. I only have one life, so I would spend it with my own way. And maybe that is such fortune for me, because maybe, someday in the future, I would not have to have this long-relationship with someone without having clarity about the future. It is so common some couple spend their time, so many years being in the relationship, but then they should break up without even stepping on 'marriage' thingy. I don't want to be in that situation, because forgetting people who used to be around us for quite a long time is terribly hard. It is hard to move on without being afraid of facing another failure.

Let's go back to Tinder.

Apart of getting such push to find a (rich) man to mate soon, I was bored by the time I encountered this Tinder on my play store. And I felt like needed to talk with strangers, new people. If you never try this, well, you are such a caveman. But trust me, talking with strangers always give you such relief, such honest openness. Because if you are an introvert with no good friends to be trusted to your story, talking with stranger is the best method for it. They listen and forget at the same time. It also becomes one of ways of self-healing. You need to let go the anger and sadness, and by telling it to a person is the best method to get rid of it as soon as possible. Telling it to strangers is the best way without having your back stabbed. ;)

Another reason I joined Tinder is because it was happening at that time, and I was curious with its UI/UX. But then I sensed something degrading, or worse, sexist thing. No, I was not treated that way because I am not a stupid woman. I sensed it then decided to delete my account at there. So, what is actually the problem in Tinder? Is Tinder really sexist?

Wait, what is this sexist actually?

Some of you may recognise this word strange or unheard before. According to Dictionary.com, sexist is relating to, involving, or fostering sexism, or attitudes and behavior toward someone based on the person's gender. It is also a definition for a person who has sexist attitudes or behaves in a sexist manner. 

So I made the account as soon as it was finished downloaded. I used fake ID, like username, the bio, and stuff. I honestly thought Tinder would be just 'trashy' app because I know what kind of dating apps around playstore. They are not good and yes, most of the users are sexists as hell. So I took it as a fast check in and out (related to why this app is so happening and its UI/UX).

The only thing original from my account is the profile picture. I used the zoomed-selfie picture leaving only my eyes, nose and mouth. I did not use the full picture, because again, I know what kind of application tinder is. So I started running this fake ID and kept it as close as possible.

The first sexist thing I encountered: Swipe (Ill-favoured Pictures) Left

So you are given a lot of chances per day to swipe a lot of pictures of men (if your interest is in men and vice versa). I did this sexist thing too. I swiped a lot of 'those' pictures to the left. I am being honest here. You can judge me. Wait until what men can do in treating women from Tinder. Sometimes I swiped left, sometimes right. But if these guys also swipe right to you, you would be their match. So, why is this considered as sexist?

The matching process is when you two are swiping right each other. So you need to check them out by checking out their pictures. You do not have any access to get to know more about them through their profiles, hobbies or stuff. This is why I personally take this thing as sexist thing to do towards human beings. 

If you check Urban Dictionary, you would find this new term: swipe right, which tells about a phrase used to describe your acceptance of something. The term was originally a reference to the Tinder app. On Tinder, swiping right means you approve of a male/female after judging them by a few picture and a short bio. "Swipe right" can be used anytime you make a good choice or approve of something. (taken from the source).

No, you don't have any access to their bios. Trust me, I would love to get to know them through their bios, instead of their pictures. Unfortunately you do not get a chance for that. 

The second sexist thing I encountered: Milk for Free

As far as I know, men on Tinder were acting highly noble only because they are men, of course. When you think you have swiped one man to the right then you get that Mr. Right, well, that is so wrong. You are considered as stupid if you think so. Men on Tinder are not singles. They mostly have girlfriends. You just have to pay attention to the differences. You also need to be able to dig in him until he finally understands about your trait: you are not a stupid woman to date with. If you do this, they will eventually leave you and just disappear.

This milk for free stigma is because most of Tinder users are looking for free sex. There were some guys asked bluntly whether I want to be their 'friends with benefits' or 'one-night stand girls'. I eventually blocked them and wrote down their bios and pictures. I planned to post it here, but I don't think that is wise enough to do that. So this phrase is found because most of the men on Tinder are already having fiancees or girlfriends. And just because they are acting like so, purely. I goggled some sexist things on Tinder and found these screenshots. So sexist.

Wtf??!!

Let's move on!

This stigma is found because 'withholding sex' is the only way to keep a man's interest. So if you are a smart girl looking (purely) this Mr. Right, you can ask the candidates with some gimmicks which would lead you two to that 'sex time'. If you find he agrees and starts revealing his (slutty, pervy) true-self, you can immediately block him. That is apparently sexist too. But that is only a prevention, to find the right guy on Tinder. That is for you who really want to find your husband-to-be through this dating app. Come on, traditional way is the best way to get a future husband. You would believe me with this as soon as I move on to the third sexist thing I found on Tinder.

The third sexist thing I encountered: Degrading Once Ignored

Women can also do the exact thing I wrote above. But most of the time men do that. Because of what? They are men, of course. It is like their playing in giving that pervy icebreaker like the pictures shown above is actually their parts. So once they get ignored, they use harsh words to degrade us, the women. 

wtffffff???!!!

So I can assume, conclude, or whatever it is that Tinder is a sexist app. The men there think they are important, highly nobles looking for preys to be fooled of, to give them milk for free. WHAT THE FUCK??! So I keep thinking why do men think that they can talk to women this way? As far as I read, Maxwell, Richards, and Ball said that many of these men were extremely embarrassed when their comments went public, forcing some to even apologize. But, men of Tinder, if you would never say such things to a woman in person, why would you say it online? It makes no sense, at all.

As for Indonesian men I encountered, they are not as bad as the ones outside country. They acted polite at first, but still, if you are a smart woman, you can sense it even from the beginning they greet you whether they degrade you. Be a smart girl.