Living in Anyone's Quarter-Life Crisis (when you turn 25)
Panicking doesn't help, if you are right now hitting 25 or older. Well okay, you might feel it is such a BIG thing, that you are now facing your quarter life. That big round number or this first quarter life can echo in anyone's heads with that age. You would find yourself afraid that it is kind of ending, but also a beginning. The question then revolves in what kind of beginning? Is it really the end? Where do I have to go after this phase?
When you turn 25, it can cause some serious doubts and questions, like I said earlier. Honestly, it led me to some kind of quarter-life crisis too. Beforehand I always thought well, I'm getting old, I'm growing up, so now what? Seeing my friends kind of making so many checklists before they even hit 25 years old, the fear had embarked like somehow it had been there, deep inside of me. The fears came to surface when I have some friends holding their wedding receptions where I was invited. Seriously though, it was a lot of invitations I just couldn't have the urge to attend it. Marriage, having kids, continuing my study then became something that made me think. Actually and honestly (adverb-abuse, I know), I am never ready to step into that new level in life. Well, probably not yet.
I don't know how long, though, that I would have that kind of feelings. But I always have this kind of glimpse-thinking that I'm a late bloomer. Not only for talents, but also for experiences.
I started it late. You know, life.
Then I surfed the internet and Googled it down, the quarter-life crisis. The definition from Dictionary.com turned out to be: a crisis that may be experienced in one's twenties, involving anxiety over the direction and quality of one's life.
The fears are about physical concerns (healthy mind and soul), occupational matters like, job loss, then social anxiety like not having any man to date nor having the intention to start it with anyone, really because your old flame is still on fire (gosh, who said moving on is easy?).
It was worsened by the fact that society, especially in Indonesia is too demanding. People here like setting some stages that a person in certain ages should step in, or accomplish their lists. And when you turn 25, some of the lists they want you to accomplish are;
-Getting hitched
-Having kids
-Getting paid in 2 digits of number
-Getting loans for your own resident/home or flat will do
-Having at least a car
-Planning on continuing your study (while getting married or having your first son will do)
-Showing some maturity
-Stop using emoji
-Stop showing feelings too bluntly
-Stop making a bunch of mistakes
-Stop experimenting with your job or men (mostly)
-Having a certain, kind of permanent goal (which is related to marriage stuff)
-Contemplating that you are old already, so stop goofing around like some immature kids!
UGH. I JUST CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE.
Some people even set the bar too high for anyone else to reach, you know some people who are lucky enough, but I don't want to put them in categories.
Fortunately those are lists set by some kind of unimportant idiots. AS for my parents, they instead give me these 6 things to keep in mind when I turn 25:
1. No Need to Rush
My dad is the wisest man on Earth. I believe every wise words of him. A lucky daughter who is trusted that I would do better, that life is getting better from time to time when you endure it patiently, without complaining God's will. He said that the fear would be there, for sure. You would find this kind of thinking, "what I've been doing with my life all these years?". Whether you go to college or have just started a new, exciting job, your early twenties are destined to be the time when you figure it all out. So you don't have to rush and stop feeling like you are thousand years late for EVERYTHING.
2. Make a Bunch of Mistakes While You Can and Learn From Them
My mom is actually the best exemplary of that one person who obeys the rules created by society. Got her education done, got married in perfect time, related to fertility and stuff as well as of course, got kids afterwards, like 7 kids. But you know what, she thinks that it is a mistake to not pursue your dreams. Each person carries different kind of dreams. So did she. She didn't know that she could be a model back in time when she was young. She doesn't regret it, tho. She has loved kids from the beginning and it was also one of her dreams, to get married and have kids. But she started it too early. She always thinks she could delay it for a few years, like 3 or 4 years. While delaying, she could do many things she want. It happens the same to my older sister too. She's been saying it, "You should enjoy your life, do many things you want, experiment more and just simply be happy." Basically they told me that it is okay to delay your adulthood and learn more from your mistakes. Your turn for new things including your future will come eventually.
3. Reflect More
While you are having your late-bloomer-phase of life, isn't it the perfect time to reflect more? Go on a journey to find your true self. It's totally fine to take a gap year to clueless-ly explore the city. You are young and unattached, after all. Take time to reflect your mistakes and learn some new wise words or experiences. Get to know more people, discover the beauties of the flaws that they share to you. But still, don't lose yourself.
4. The More Experiences, the Better
You're not having the ability to formulate some kind of magic elixirs like you find in The Sims. To figure out things, the flows should be: experiment more, make mistakes, then you figure out stuff. It has always been like that. You will never know until you really experience it. So, just do it.
5. It's Okay to Change Your Goals
You know I have been a writer. SEO writer, content writer, and now having a job position like Executive Editor is kinda easy. But sometimes my likeness towards writing is decreasing somehow. Yet I feel okay. I am pretty sure the talent is inside, so I only have to polish it. As long as I can write my heart out, it is okay. I realize new thing that your passion shouldn't have to be the only way for you to earn some pennies. You will be demanding to it and ruin its soul. Like you are getting disconnected with the ability. So it is best to immediately reevaluate your goals. To head into a new place, you need some goals that will lead you there, that right place designed only for you. Sit down and reevaluate about what you really want to do in life. Do not pursue goals that are not right for you.
6. Stop Comparing Yourself with Others
Comparison is the thief of joy. Stop comparing your life with others. It is like the top number on "how to be happy" list. You alone are enough. You owe nobody to prove your accomplishments. You know that life happens at different paces for some people. It is okay to have friends who get married first, or graduated their master degree. You can still create an awesome career for yourself. It is kind of exciting to figure out those best things that you would face later, right? Though it can be though, but try not to compare yourself. Feel happy for your friends who have great accomplishments and then focus back to your own life.
It is probably scary to find yourself getting older, but really, age is just number. Stop calling yourself old. Quarter-life crisis should not get you down. Sit down, do good, and reflect more. You will get through it just fine in the end. You only have to believe.
