About Teaching...

Just had a brief conversation with this good friend of mine and when she mentioned about job opportunity at our own Uni, I became mute. Apparently, teaching is not my passion (yet). And I've been living my life to cheerfully walk the path towards it; my passion. Some lecturers at my Uni also asked about me taking part in teaching there. Neither I reject nor accept it until now. I replied them with a smile (as long as I remember). This lecturer also asked the same thing to my brother, so that the conversation was easily passed on to another topic. We both did not have a clue about teaching, like at all. We're both geeks who love reading and socializing computers for almost 24 hours in every single day. We're not sociable enough to be faced by these clueless eyes gathered their ass around waiting for us to talk, although we fastly become mute in no time. Although we certainly have something to share (of course). 

However, my parents are let down by {my} decision because they know I've been working as a teacher. I do understand why they think I waste such chance. I had thought about it, but still, there is this doubt of me not being able to be a good lecturer. I am just a fresh grad, bachelor, undergraduate degree, still green enough to hold such responsibilities. I replied them with asking them to pay another tuition for my master degree. They would think about it. But I know I can do it myself (yes, I can!). Either through scholarship (which I've been fighting for *fingers crossed*), or my uncle (a doctorate), who may be willing to take part my parents role in paying the bills. :D



So I can't even imagine myself on that position. Doing the job cluelessly. I always have this feeling, when I am not as good as others (or as my high school friends). Even until now, I keep busying myself learning and deeply digging this literature. I want to be an expert. I don't want to go half-heartedly. I keep busying myself reading, because I am (so, desperately) into it, especially classic genre. I also help some friends in compiling their thesis, so I still get this fresh memories of what to explore and how to do so.

As for my current job, teaching kids is more fun because they are kids. Highlighting the kids word because they can see the changing mood. They are genuine and honest to easily capture my feelings. And if I was faced by these young adults who mostly are, as far as I know ignorant as hell about others feelings, I would look down on them easily. I would play God to them. I would feel noble compared to them because well, I am their lecturer. And that is horrible even to only think about. 

My dad himself said about true calling's job ---teaching, but he decided to be a teacher (accidentally) not at his early age (of course). So I just bounced it back to him as the reason why I do not give it a try. Well, trial times is enough. I am older enough to decide. Whatever it is, no regrets!

I honestly think it is too soon. I reminisce myself being annoyed by a fresh grad lecturer at the time I was a college student and now I need to taste the karma on my face? I don't think so. Maybe after I get my master degree, then I will think about it. I was annoyed by this lecturer, well practically everyone in that class was annoyed by him, because he delivered the lectures in a way that looked so unskilled enough (speaking about the students who are curious enough and smarter than the lecturers). But I believe he has become the best one now. He has got his master degree, tho. That is proven, officially.

As for my parents' reason for continuing while having the teaching job...

I'm not good at multitasking. The main job, this teaching job, and studying my master degree are too many to handle. Like, seriously... they know me so well how I badly treat this 'commitment'. 

I don't want to go half-heartedly anymore.





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