One Year and a Half

The sun had set for an hour or so at that time. My mind had been wandering also in a black hole; I might call it your heart. 

While I sat there, with a dark orange sky and hundreds of blinking yellow spots killing my sight, on this bench, the memorable one which left nothing but pain. 

"Such beautiful scenery" was the last utterance spoken by you, of course with me sitting beside you. Leaned back at the bench which I didn't know why it always smelled like Petrichor. It is my favorite one of all time. 

The view around me remained the same; the trees, the bench, and the hill with our favorite bench facing the city's scenery from above. My favorite song, Out of Reach from Gabrielle was accompanying me, recalling our times together.

Looking back to the last two months was a piece of cake. I still had it all in mind. We were sitting on this bench, having dead air because the scenery was just so gorgeous until you said,

 
"Look dear there's something we need to talk about…" 

Your eyes met mine for a while, but then you moved it to the previous position. The city's view at twilight had seduced you well. Very well than the words that you trapped inside your mouth, the cutthroat ones until you kept on saying, 

"We need to break up." 

You continued it at the same time with the wind that blew hard, I could suffer from cold. I picked up one leaf on your shoulder and released it by the wind.

"What's wrong?" I couldn't say anything. At the same time, I felt a hurricane inside my lungs. It hurt my chest. I gazed at my flat shoes as if they were your eyes. I know that it was for the sake of his career. He only moved to Bandung, while I am here in Jakarta, how hard it could be? We have been talking about this before but always ended up in fights. Perhaps that is why he brought me here because the views somehow would calm me down.

"I'm sorry, but I don't think I can stand with long distance relationship…" you only muttered, it still sounds serious though. 

Then you continued, 

"Knowing the fact that we have to separate from each other… I just don't know what to do." 

You stopped it there and looked at me. I couldn't help but marry the eyes of yours.

"It will be fine," I smiled, more like faking it. It was not because I'm a shrinking violet or what, I just didn't know what to say to him, or maybe the city light did a very good job. I just couldn't think of anything but my bed and my pillows with your face printed on it. Sadness is a blessing, sometimes.

My thoughts are crabbed and sallow, my tears like vinegar, or the bitter blinking yellow of an acetic star. 

Sylvia Plath's quote just popped up in my head.

At that time, I realized that no matter how sad and how lonely it would be without your presence, I must learn two things immediately; self restrain and face reality. I could proudly say that those missions had been accomplished very well. I had moved on from our beautiful two years together. I would never regret it.

When it reached dark already, I'm about to get back to my flat when my phone beeped.

Text:

Congratulations my dear, you've got your dream position. Go packing and touchdown Bandung soon! Like I will wait for you a week from now! xoxo

That was my boss, the proud one, because I have made it, and reached our dream together. I must pack everything in a week. That is a piece of cake thing to do. The hardest one would be saying goodbye to people whom I can't ever thank enough. They are the must-have ones or my days after broke up would end up in misery and loneliness.
6 months later.
 
I woke up with the TV still showing Kim Kardashian's rerun. I immediately turned it off, because my day would be horrifying if I kept watching it. I hope you understand why. Socks were on the floor. Guess I had a crazy night; it is like I had overtime until 11 pm and fell asleep with my office outfit on. Those socks were the only ones I took off, I supposed. Miserable mornings, I always had since I moved here. Perhaps since I knew that we gazed at the same sky again. We have lost contact ever since though. So I just kept busying myself with my job.

I am not a morning person. I love to spend 10 to 20 minutes after waking up to curl up my toes under the blanket. Contemplating you might say. About everything that has happened. It was Saturday. I have my 'me time' finally. It would be spent doing movie marathons. Stayed in bed; even though I still had to check my email that I was so sure it would be done on my bed also. Guess I have a relationship with food and bed, the strong ones. 

However, your day off could be disturbed by some good friends who kept forcing you to burn some fat at that time. And you know I'm bad at saying 'no'. 

A few minutes later, I was out of the door, sports bag in hand, headed towards where Clara, Ajeng, and Tiwi made the appointment to meet up.

"You're late, Sy." 

Clara, tall and slim, showed no expression at all. Such a discipline girl I have ever met. Her long-straight black hair waved as she muttered, 

"You need some fat to burn down." 

She giggled while leaving the sharpest knife stabbed right to my heart, extremely fast. We have been each other coworkers for 6 months only. How come she said that to me? For God's sake, I never had more than 30 minutes-conversation with her. So, what? 

But I might say that she was quite introverted actually. None of us here knew well about her, like her love life for example. Even though Ajeng had been gossiping about her and her boyfriend who has been together for one year and a half, Clara stayed cool, like maybe she thinks that sharing it with us was too blunt. I don't know.

As for Ajeng and Tiwi, I always thought that they were twins because they are so identical and spoke the same words at the same time many times. Today they are gossiping, as what they like to do, about Clara's boyfriend.

"Don't take it to your heart about what Clara said. She is just miffed because her boyfriend won't pick her up after the gym." Ajeng made a point about that. Clara has an angry face now.
"Just stay away!" they both said in a funny way. I couldn't help but laugh.

"Well, you are wrong guys. We've been separated for a month and I welcomed him yesterday at the airport, so we haven't met only for a while." Clara said, rather scornfully, over the laughter. 

Ajeng and Tiwi were so embarrassed they couldn't utter a word. Clara has this amazing aura that whenever she says something, people would put attention to her no matter how important or not her utterance is. Two hours later we were out of the door. The tension had been deprived as we enjoyed our walks headed towards the shops downtown. The shop signs were flashing even though it wasn't evening yet.

"Hang on," Clara muttered. Her eyes were narrowed as she squinted.
Suddenly she clapped her hands and waved at someone across our road, where we stood. She looked happy as a smile gracing her lips. 

"Okay guys, I'm going to go, and all of you can have a lovely day." 

She gave us a chipper little wave before leaving.

"She just saw her boyfriend." Ajeng and Tiwi said at the same time, again.

I didn't pay any attention. I was busy handling my emails through iPad. After that, we went to the nearest coffee shop. We'd been gossiping, mostly about our works and those villains at work that deserved to be gossiped by us. I saw Clara come into the same place as where we were now, with her boyfriend of course. I couldn't see him, shadowed by Clara's body. Clara seemed happy anyway. I didn't know but I missed you at that time, more like missed our times spent together.

"Clara, over here!" Tiwi rather shouted at Clara so everyone looked at her. She was just being nice and asked Clara to eat together. But Ajeng and I giggled so hard as everyone in this room turned their attention to our circle. Clara smiled from afar and told her bf after waving us back and pointed to where we are. That was when he turned his face to us and looked.

It was you. That brown eyes of yours. I hadn't seen them since our last meeting at the hills. I had tried my best to avoid all of our old haunts. Now it looked like you had found your true love. What could I say? Your eyes were still that bright brown. Your haircut remained the same as the last time I did cut your hair. Did you ask her to cut it for you? With the same style, like seriously? You know you can always choose other hairstyles.

As you laughed and smiled at Clara, it brought me so much pain. Guess you didn't notice my presence, brought me another pain. Did you even realize that was me? And you've been together with Clara for one year and a half? Well, you can do the Math. I felt hurt in my chest.
When Clara made her way to the outside of the coffee shop, while dragging you along, I glanced at you. You saw me and bend your neck to look back. But I wasn't quite sure that I wanted to do so yet.